WC Blog Day 6: Belgium, Brazil, Russia

Devoted followers of this insignificant record of the World Cup 2014 may have noticed that I haven’t mentioned the prediction league for a while. After the first few matches, I was about 197th. Refereeing decisions and general corruption in the world game are at fault here. I thought. Once the games pan out, my standing will improve. I thought. I’m about 284th at the moment. Out of how many, you say? I daren’t go to the bottom of the table and find out, just in case it’s 285!

Belgium v Algeria. I believed the hype and had this one down at 3-0 to Belgium. The ITV commentator helpfully informed us that some of the Belgian team would be singing the national anthem in French and some in Dutch. I realise there is a similarity between the two languages, but wouldn’t that be Flemish, you clueless buffoon? I speak Flemish, as it happens. “Dank uwe goed”‘ there you go, “thank you very much” in Flemish. It’s all you need to know, they all speak English!

Anyway, back to the football (if we must) Algeria looked a decent side and were all set to upset the bookies (something I’m never likely to do) when they took a first half lead. They were much the better team in the first half as Belgium looked like they’d left their boots on the bus and were playing with blocks of 4 by 2 sellotaped to their feet. Something changed in the second half, however, and the incompetent doppelgängers were left in the changing room and the real players turned up (pity we don’t know how to pull that one off). Some geezer called Fellaini scored the equaliser, I bet Moyes wished he’d signed this Fellaini rather than the one he got lumbered with! A 2nd goal from some other fella that I’ve never heard of, and can’t be bothered to look up, scored the winner and Belgium’s embarrassment was averted.

Next up on the goggle box were Brazil who were taking on their Latino neighbours, Mexico. Despite the fact that I loathe and detest Brazil and their cynicism, I had them marked down for a 3-0 win (if you can’t beat ’em…). The ref had been nobbled again and FIFA HQ were running the show once more, as several Mexico penalty claims were brushed aside with what looked suspiciously like a small brown envelope. The Mexico keeper was on top form, however, and the resulting 0-0 draw saw the Bralisios trudge from the field at full time to a cacophony of admonishing whistles and jeers (try supporting England you ungrateful muppets!) I was most pleased by the result, just a little disappointed that the Mexicans couldn’t just have nicked the winner that would have had me rolling on the floor in much chortlement.

The last match of the day saw our old friend, and Dennis the Menace lookalike, Fabio Acapello pit his Russian side against the plucky South Koreans. Much as in the first match of the day, the underdogs took a surprise lead, but what happened next beggared belief… The Russians rather bizarrely fenced off the centre circle and declared it a pro-Russian separatist state. With a series of tanks and rocket launchers stationed across the halfway line, the chances of the Koreans snatching a decisive second goal were understandably dramatically reduced. The questions surrounding what seemed like a display of bad sportsmanship that surely contravened the FIFA rule book were, happily cleared up by Sepp Blatter, interviewed en route to his gold plated Mercedes with a wheel barrow full of cash.

The equaliser came from an unexpected source as the Russian ambassador to South Korea ambled unopposed into the South Korean goalmouth, only to produce the match ball from his diplomatic bag. An unorthodox approach, but one that ultimately bore fruit. I had this down as a 2-1 to Korea, so dodgy dealings and bad sportsmanship have assisted, once again, in plummeting me down the prediction league leader board. As you may have gathered, I didn’t bother actually watching the match.

Now then, some of you may have noticed that I have been running a covert competition on the blog. A Mr Sykes of Huddersfield is currently in the lead with this one, as he correctly identified my deliberate and cunning mistake that Switzerland was the only country in the world with a square flag. Mr Sykes correctly saw through my subterfuge and gave the correct answer that Vatican City is the other country with this unusual national standard.

Today’s quiz question was dreamt up as I chortled in adolescent admiration at the similarity of the title ‘WC Blog’ with a double toilet-based pun. So today’s brain teaser is, which Carry On film features the family firm of sanitaryware manufacturers, ‘WC Boggs’? The prize is an all expenses paid trip to see England in the second round in Brazil. The answer in the Day 7 blog, my lowbrow chums…

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One Response to “WC Blog Day 6: Belgium, Brazil, Russia”

  1. Htafctaunton says:

    Well written Mr Now’t, and very funny.